Live the Life you Love : A Detour, Blessing in Disguise


" If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it"
~ John Irving


Born in a middle-up family which everything outside is undervalued in order to protect me and my siblings, I mostly found myself in the brink of boredom. I couldn't live the way my peers did. My parents were the conventional parents who expect nothing good from the outside world : full of germs, full of bandits, full of thieves, and full of wickedness in general.

As the eldest child, I usually found my inspiration from the things I've seen or from what my surroundings and peers did. Anyway, my childhood was more or less a suffering. I got bullied, mocked, alienated and at home I couldn't get even the peace. You know, as the eldest you should have been the role model that usually related to doing chores at your best.

There I was, as a non popular mediocre little girl who got bullied everyday, trying to make sense of the world.

One thing that kept me happy that time was my little cheesy diary. I used to write down my dreams, my hopes, wishlists and also people that inspired me.

I had no idea that all my dreams would someday come true...

Have you guys ever whispered to yourself of something that you can seemingly get whatsoever?
I did! I used to feel envious everytime I saw people get new things, got a perfect score or a compliment, took a vacation.. so on
One day, I watched a documentary about living overseas. That's so cool! said to myself..
I knew I would love to live in a finest place ever since, I thought I could touch a snow and not worry of getting dirty.

Here I am now, 21 years after I said to myself about my wildest dreams. I am standing before the oldest basilica in the World : San Marco in Venice.




***

My life so far is no an easy journey, just like what my colleague ever said when he tried to foresee my future through palmistry ( palm-reading) that my life would be fucking bumpy, challenging, full of tears and not to mention a detour. Yes, a detour!

I've got few life-changing moments, like when I met my my future husband, and when I gave birth to a courageous little boy, but nothing compares when I decided to moving out to Italy.

What is it like to bump into new culture that once you thought super extraordinary? to switch from eastern values to western ones? or How it feels to have not understood what people say but still try to be positive?

I tell you that it's hard! freaking hard! I used to see western values from my negative perspective and now I see by myself that what I perceived was none to be true. Western Values are so much different from Eastern Values, to compare both is such a useless gesture but what I realize now that Western values rely on authenticity, honesty and liberation, and those make it so special.

By now, I think western values are more superior than the Eastern ones mainly because their simplicity, non-judgemental point of view but once again it depends on how we see things and how they affect us.  For me, these values are the ones I am eager to live with and to raise my kids with. I feel I am so much happier now that I don't live in people's expectation of what should the version of myself be. I used to be afraid to go out of my comfort zone coz I thought people would think I'm odd. I used to be told to do something that I don't like just to make my parents happy. I didn't have many choice though, to reject what our parents said in the Eastern values mean that you're ignorant and paying no respect to the elderly, to the culture, to your upbringings, to your surroundings.

I was controlled, monitored, overprotected by most of my life then when I got married it all changed. My husband is totally supportive of everything I do, he never insists that I should do something or think in a certain way. He opened my mind, Men aren't there to control women but they are to support them in any way. That is what we call Marriage, my husband said, a supportive bounding.

I think I've found myself by now but sadly enough I almost lost everyone. My family is still there, they are changed or remain the same, I'm unsure but they know they can't tell me what to do with my live coz I am so much more assertive than I was.

Most of all, I am happier.
Isn't that matter? our happiness?
Oh yess, to nurture your happiness is crucial if you are about to make you surroundings happy.
That's all what I do now

Here's My all time favourite poem by Robert Frost that pretty sum up the way I see life and the way my life evolved :

ROAD NOT TAKEN

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
    I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference.


Live your life, for there's only one YOU that can make it right. YOUR VERY SELF.

Summer Vacation 2016 : Trieste, The Jewel of Friuli-Venezia Giulia


You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days in your life~

Trieste View from San Grignano Beach


I guess that lines represent me in a broad meaning.
Tahun lalu, adalah tahun yang penuh derita yang sama sekali tak terbayangkan akan dapat sama sekali kami lalui. Sebut saja kondisi gagal jantung, infeksi, open heart surgery, diagnosa baru yang mencengangkan dan menakutkan, belum lagi kondisi finansial yang morat marit pasca kepindahan sporadis ke Italia. Hah, life is a storm yes, but there must be quite a silver lining right after that plus the rainbow if you're lucky enough.

Winter kami lalui dengan air mata, Spring kami lalui dengan tersenyum simpul, nah Summer kami tertawa. Alhamdulillah! sudah lama aku dan suami tak merasakan sebahagia summer pertama ini. aku sebenarnya berencana menuliskan detail perjalanan kami (karena kami pergi ke banyak tempat!!) tapi mungkin tidak perlu mendetail, hanya garis besarnya saja, just to show how grateful we are to have these moments.

Aku dan suami adalah orang yang tidak suka diam di rumah, jikalau ada kesempatan kami selalu keluar, berkeliling meski hanya menikmati udara segar. Ini bukan tanpa alasan, kami berdua adalah manusia introvert yg hanya suka bergumul di kesendirian dan atau bersama teman terdekat. Keluarga dari pihak suami pun jarang berkunjung. So, berdiam di rumah hanya akan membawa perasaan larut ke dalam kesedihan, lebih baik keluar dan menjelajah dunia (hmm, sok idealis)

Kami juga adalah non-conformist artinya bahwa kami anti mainstream. Kami lebih menyukai berjalan ke tempat yang tidak terlalu populer bahkan kami suka menemukan tempat baru yang cukup cozy. Bertiga kami sering membawa bekal makanan sederhana untuk dihabiskan di sebuah bench di tempat yang kami tuju, atau jika malas melanda maka kami mampir ke restoran Asia untuk makan sepuasnya kemudian memulai penjelajahan ( lupakan wisata kuliner avant-garde, yg penting perut kenyang :p)

Summer adalah musim yang sangat ditunggu-tunggu, bukan hanya karena cahaya mataharinya hangat tapi juga karena summer adalah musim liburan. Setiap kantor, pabrik, perusahaan akan memberikan slot liburan untuk staff nya bahkan beberapa instansi malah tutup selama 2 minggu hingga sebulan. Hal ini tentu harus dimanfaatkan sebaik mungkin karena slot liburan yang lain adalah holiday peak season yang jatuh selama natal dan tahun baru yang mana hampir pasti kami tidak bisa berlibur karena Dario blm cukup kuat menjelajah di temperature 0celcius.

Tahun ini suami dapat slot liburan 4 hari saja, sudah termasuk weekend, kamipun memutar otak hendak kemana. Setelah googling, asking friends kami menemukan tempat yang cukup dekat dan juga full rekomendasi. Trieste, adalah tempat yang dimaksud. Berjarak 1,5 jam dengan kereta api dari Venezia, Trieste menyajikan perpaduan alam perbukitan, hamparan adriatic sea dan juga kemilau peninggalan abad ke 18 yang masih sangat in tact, utuh seperti pertama kali didirikan.

Trieste adalah kota pelabuhan di belahan utara Italia. Berbatasan langsung dengan Slovenia dan, Trieste dengan hamparan Adriatic sea tepat di depan Piazza utama adalah salah satu destinasi wisata yang populer di mancanegara tapi tidak populer sama sekali untuk orang Italia. Tidak mengherankan sama sekali mengingat Trieste sebenarnya merupakan bagian penting dari Imperium Austro-Hungarian (Setelah Vienna, Budapest dan Prague) dan dianeksasi oleh Italia di kemudian hari.

These days, Trieste adalah ibukota provinsi Friuli-Venezia Giulia dan merupakana salah satu provinsi otonom terkaya di Italia dengan pendapatan yang berasal dari aktivitas shipping, dan shipbuilding.

Kami berangkat dari San Dona di Piave (VE) dengan trenitalia, hampir 2 jam akhirnya kami sampai di Trieste. Awalnya kami sempat underestimating kota ini, tapi begitu berjalan sedikit, wow, rasanya perpaduan Garda dan Venice ada di sini. Breathtaking view is all you got once you step in. Here's some pictures :










hari itu, kami hanya drop barang ke hotel lantas berkeliling dan mencari sesuap pasta :p plus steak.. dan.. ternyata susah euy cari bangku kosong di restoran, semua restoran recommended yg affordable penuh (hanya tersisa tempat tanpa payung pelindung matahari).

Anyway, akhirnya kami makan saja di resto merangkap bar, dgn sajian steak tenderloin dan french fries yg banyak.

Kami berkeliling piazza utama Trieste, menikmati matahari mentereng dgn pemandangan Adriatic sea yg membius plus Kapal Pesiar yg kehadirannya sangat mengejek (kapan dong, naik cruise keliling adriatic sea sampai ke laut mediterran? jawabnya Kapan ada diskon tiket :p)

Strolling around, taking selfies membuat saya lantas berpikir, wah enak ya kalau bisa tinggal di Trieste, semua ada dan hamparan pemandangannya bakal buat awet muda, namun ketika saya tanya ke suami eh dia bilang, winter di sini harsh loh, anginnya kencang buset sampe sampe orang jalannya pegang tali yg ada di pinggir laut, di tangga ataupun trotoar. Wow, bisa terbang ditiup angin dong aku pas winter, secara aku kurus kan ( ngaku-ngaku :p)

Trieste, meski di anggap underrated di Italia juga Eropa, Venetian people sering menyebut-nyebut Trieste sebagai simbol 'having fun'. Salah seorang sepupu suami berkelakar, waktu doi muda dulu, kalau ingin have fun mereka pasti bilang 'drink like Trieste's people'

Orang-Orang Trieste terkenal dgn gayanya yg simple, teratur dan elegan dan mereka biasa berbicara 3-4 bahasa sekaligus termasuk English. Englishnya org Trieste termasuk yg terbaik dlm pronunciation secara mereka sebagai propinsi termuda dan berbatasan langsung dgn negara lain.

Castello Miramare - Warisan dan Peninggalan Otentik abad 19 yang masih sangat cantik, terawat dan tak tersentuh!

Architect : Carl Junker (Austrian)
Furnishing & Decoration : Franz Hofmann and Julius Hofmann
Style reflection : Eclectic (Gothic, Medieval, Rennaissance combined)
Level of preservation : 4,5 out of 5









Mengunjungi Trieste tentu tdk lengkap tanpa mengunjungi Castle Cantik peninggalan Kerajaan Austro-Hungarian. Miramare Castle atau dlm Italian disebut Castello Miramare.

Miramare Castle adalah rumah Archduke Ferdinand Maximillan of Hapsburg dan Istrinya Charlotte of Belgium. Castle putih bersih ini berada di atas tebing di atas laut. Berdiri tegak di sisi tertinggi bebatuan Grignano Beach di Teluk Trieste, dapat di tempuh dgn bus dr tengah kota (15 menit perjalanan). Castle ini adalah castle yg paling terawat keadaannya dan koleksi-koleksi di dalamnya adalah koleksi otentik pribadi Archduke semasa ia tinggal di sini. Selamat dari hiruk pikuk Perang Dunia II, Castle ini lantas di lindungi Pemerintah Italia walau kemudian sempat menjadi basecamp tentara AS (masa masa Perang Dunia II)

Membahas Castle ini, saya jadi baper karena saya ingin cerita buanyaaakk sekali dari sudut panjang sejarah (maklum saya history-freak) tapi saya akan bahas garis garis besar saja yang kira-kira menarik dan penting!

Lokasi dari Castle ini sangat menakjubkan, di atas tebing tinggi dengan sajian hamparan laut Adriatic sebiru berlian Rose 'Titanic'. Castle ini juga memiliki taman yang sangat luas yang kaya dengan vegetasi dari segala penjuru dunia! Archduke Ferdinand terkenal dgn hobi travelingnya dan juga teman-teman dari banyak negara, ia konon sering meminta temannya membawakan vegetasi khas yg dia ingin tanam di taman Miramare. Sekarang jika berkunjung ke sana, kita akan menyaksikan beberapa vegetasi bunga dan pohon yang merupakan tanaman asli Asia, tapi tumbuh di Eropa. Tamannya kini masih terawat meski tidak secantik dulu.

Beralih ke Castle nya sendiri. Miramare Castle pertama dibangun pada 1 Maret 1856, kemudian Archduke dan Istri mulai pindah pada tahun 1860. Kala itu Castle belum sempurna selesai, minus internal decorations dan furnishing.

Interior Castle ini sampai sekarang masih memiliki komposisi asli dan ketika berkunjung kesana kita bisa menyaksikan secara langsung koleksi pribadi Archduke dan beberapa peninggalan militer Amerika Serikat ( Castle ini menjadi headquater pasukan sekutu selama PD II)

Beberapa foto dari interior bangunan dan koleksi Castle :

Chapel inside Miramare Castle

Library

Corridor

Paintings, just some of them.. actually Miramare has lots of paintings collection

the stairs

Main Room

Meeting Room

Archduke Himself

Rooftop

Guestroom
Kami menghabiskan 2 malam 3 hari berlibur di Trieste and it's worth really.. kami juga sempat berhenti sebentar di Grignano Beach dan menikmati Pranzo (Lunch) khas Trieste.



3rd Wedding Anniversary : Amor Vincit Omnia


Non posso vivera senza di te.. davvero ~~






This December 21, 2016 marks my 3rd wedding anniversary with a great man whom I proudly call Hubby. He is one of a kind, once-a-stranger man who made his 10k miles trip only to see me in a real life.

I was more than Lucky that day February 5, 2009 you sent me a friend request and started a chat. I still can feel my heartbeat on the day you said you fell in love with me though you knew we were different. It seems like yesterday that we exchanged message "I'm fine" on our facebook walls.

Those days amore, I cherish them every single day...

Do you remember our first sight? there at the airport back in December 24, 2012. You in your professional outfit (like you are going to have a job interview :p) against me who wore a pink long-sleeve tshirt. I was late though to pick you up, damn the traffic jam that made me lost some minutes to see you for the very first time.

That day was the most memorable  day in my life. Finally our virtual chats turned into real-life chats, eyes to eyes. I can't lie that day I barely could think straight, I was feeling I was walking on the clouds, so peaceful

"Thank you for coming!" I said half-screaming
" How are you?" you said half-whispering..
Our conversation was as awkward as bumping into strangers on the street and saying Hello..

In the car, I sang a song and I've made you laugh so hard for my not-so-awesome voice singing Nidji's song. Do you still remember the song tesoro? Ah Don't mind that..

That lovely December we hesitated if we ever gonna made marriage happen due to our massive differences and such resistance from my dad but you kept saying to me, we'll make it.. if we don't understand each other, we repeat till both understand. For my family, you promised me to melt their hearts. You did.. You did darling and it was effortless if I may say..

There went our LDR, connected only by Whatsapp and Skype with sometimes a really slow internet connection, we kept going and loving each other even stronger till our marriage month..

Early December 2013 was damn hard for me and I guess also for you. We fought every single day over little things. I, as well, remember how I thought of giving this love-story up coz too much pain in fighting and disputing for something irrelevant.

We made it though, we made it to the day you held that Penghulu hand and stated Akad in perfection. One time only and people cheered on us.

I admit that I didn't cry that day, I felt sort of happiness and such relief but on the other hand I felt scared of what life might be. Did you feel that too?

Love conquers all

Three years with you through hard times and bumps showed me what real love could actually do. Those dreams we have that shattered right in front of our face, made me realize how life can be so mean and painful.

We've lost them for the sake of Dario : money, house, car and we had to start all over again from zero
Nobody could ever endure these things I suppose, neither us that time. You and me were constantly stuck in the deepest sadness though our minds still tried to figure out what actually happened to us, to our lovely son.

Those diagnosis, those critical moments, those beeping heart monitor, those prayers, those tears, those cries, those screams, those sujuds, those miracles... I saw you crying so hard in that masjid, your prayers are longer than you ever did. I thought, this is it.. we're gonna make it. This is LOVE that made us stronger.

Thank you amore, Thank you for being with me all the time, for being shoulders for me to cry on, for being the only person I could count on when all people losing hope on me, on us..

Love will conquer all.. like the sayings. We keep believing on that and we are living that way as well..

I love you endlessly..

Happy 3rd anniversary..
More miracles to come..







To veil or not to veil : An Honest Note for Being Muslimah in The West




Saya percaya, religiusitas adalah  domain private. Tak ada satu orang pun di dunia ini yang bisa merasakan pengalaman religius yang sama, karena perasaan itu transendens, beyond words. Saya seorang muslim, yang dibesarkan di dalam lingkungan keagamaan moderat selalu diajarkan tentang pentingnya menutup aurat dan berhijab. Ayah saya yg seorang muhammadiyah sangat keras sekali akan peraturan ini. Dulu, ketika saya masih menginjak bangku sekolah dasar tahun pertama, Ayah nampaknya gusar dan akhirnya tahun ketiga memindahkan saya dan asik-adik ke sekolah Muhammadiyah yang semua muridnya berhijab. Kala itu, saya tak mengerti arti sehelai kain penutup kepala saya, buat saya dan adik saya, hal ini adalah sekadar dresscode.

Setelah 19 tahun menggunakan hijab, melewati berbagai fase remaja, fase mode hingga fase syar'i sekarang ini sedikit banyak memberi saya pencerahan, bahwa hijab yang konon dulunya di anggap sangat ketinggalan, sekarang malah menjadi salah satu fashion style hingga couture internasional. Saya bahagia, merasa bahwa hal ini akan memudahkan muslimah untuk menjadi diri sendiri sekaligus menjadi hamba Allah yang taat.

Bahagia, bangga sebagai muslimah dengan hijabi identity turut mengantarkan saya ke Italia. Meskipun alasan kepindahan saya sebenarnya adalah alasan personal, emosional dan medikal anak saya, saya dengan sangat berbangga hati hidup berdampingan dengan mereka yang kristen, sekuler, agnostik juga atheist. Kala itu saya memiliki keyakinan bahwa mereka akan menerima saya tanpa melihat baju dan hijab yang saya pakai, bahwa mereka akan memperlakukan saya LEBIH baik karena saya menutup aurat. Ternyata saya salah, sangat salah. Terlepas dari easy going-nya mereka, namun satu hal, jilbab hijab dan niqab masih menjadi hal tabu, kerap menjadi bahan olok-olok serta berbau migran dan teroris. Tentu semua ini tidak benar, sangat salah bahwa Islam diidentikkan dgn hal-hal negatif dan rasis adalah hal yang intoleran dan bertolak belakang dgn nilai-nilai 'Freedom' dunia barat.

Lantas di mana posisi saya? sebagai seorang pendatang, meskipun beruntung memiliki suami seorang Italian, saya masih dituntut untuk menerima nilai-nilai dan norma di Italia. Italians adalah masyarakat konservatif, dengan budaya kristen yg kuat dan mereka termasuk masyarakat paling religius di Eropa. Secara tidak langsung ada tekanan tekanan tertentu atas bagaimana orang lain (baca:asing) bersikap dan membawa diri di sini. Tentu tak ada tindakan frontal seperti yg terjadi di Amerika di mana seorang pria menjambak dan mencopot jilbab muslimah secara paksa di atas pesawat, namun di sini anda tahu bahwa ketika anda hendak berurusan dgn Kantor Urusan Sipil, anda tidak akan dilayani kecuali jilbab dilepas dan baru-baru ini, keluarlah peraturan bahwa untuk memasuki area publik dan juga rumah sakit harus tanpa penutup kepala, atau tidak akan dilayani.

Bagaimana saya bersikap? Awalnya saya resistan sambil berharap tak ada sikap diskriminatif yg saya dan keluarga terima karena jilbab yg saya kenakan. Semua ejekan, tatapan penuh amarah dan penolakan saya anggap angin lalu dan saya berdoa dalam hati agar mereka tidak memperhatikan gerak-gerik saya. Hal ini hanya bertahan hingga winter pertama saya di San Dona.

Pasca Terorisme Brussels, kondisi semakin membuat saya takut dan hal ini berawal dari kegusaran saya Musim Gugur yg lalu ketika kami hendak duduk dan minum secangkir teh juga pastry di sebuah Caffeteria. Kami duduk di dalam dan waiter jg waitress melihat kami namun urung untuk bertanya kami ingin pesan apa. 40 menit berlalu, suami sudah hendak langsung memesan saja dgn mendatangi meja utama Caffeteria, tapi saya bilang tidak perlu krn mungkin mereka gak suka kita di sini, dari tadi saya dgr bisik bisik juga beberapa aura ketidaksukaan.

Caffeteria mungkin tidak ingin menerima kami, tapi Supermarket tidak mungkin bersikap yg sama, mereka tak ingin kehilangan pelanggan utk alasan apapun, inilah pemikiran saya waktu itu. Lagi lagi saya salah.
Hari itu, saya pergi berbelanja dengan anak dan suami. Selesai keliling, memasukkan barang ke trolley kami siap untuk ke self-service checkout (SACAT) . Selesai semua, kami tinggal pulang. Tiba tiba, seorang security menghampiri saya dan memeriksa saya dgn metal detektor. Astaghfirullah, sungguh keterlaluan, mereka pasti berpikir saya memiliki benda mencurigakan atau paling tidak tindakan ini didasari Islamophobia. Fyi, standar ini hanya berlaku untuk kalangan tertentu contohnya muslim dan orang asing dan tak ada landasan hukum yang mendasarinya. Suami saya tak mampu berkata-kata. Kamipun akhirnya pulang, membawa sejuta perasaan campur aduk, sedih, marah juga takut. We dont expect my hijab could cost us this kinda acts.

Saya mulai berpikir bahwa saya akan melepas jilbab saja, dan karena ini adalah winter, saya akan beraktivitas dgn menggunakan topi dan syal tebal. Ketika Musim dingin mulai membuat kondisi Dario memburuk, saya menjaga dia di rumah sakit dgn tidak menggunakan jilbab, untuk pertama kalinya di dalam hidup saya, saya membiarkan orang asing melihat rambut ikal saya terurai. Ada penyesalan di sana, ada kelegaan juga.

Saya tidak mengerti apa yg saya rasakan, tapi begitulah hidup.. perubahan datang tanpa secara penuh kita sadari..

Sejak itu hingga sekarang, saya tak lagi menggunakan hijab...

Kemudian, hal tersulit yang harus saya lakukan adalah untuk jujur kepada orang-orang yg mengenal saya, baik secara casual, professional maupun personal. Melepas hijab bagi saya adalah hal tersulit untuk saya terima dan saya yakin mereka juga begitu. Akan banyak keterkejutan, komentar dan juga yang tidak bisa dihindari, penghakiman. Saya sadar betul posisi saya di mata mereka, namun mungkin mereka tidak begitu mengerti posisi saya yang berada di Barat, sebagai seorang ibu, seorang wanita yang mengalami 'culture clash dan emotional clash' yang mencoba bertahan untuk alasan apapun agar anaknya bisa tetap hidup.

Above all, hanya Tuhan yang berhak menghakimi, bukan manusia, dan saya harap kita bisa mengerti bahwa semua orang memiliki pertimbangan masing-masing untuk dirinya, memaksakan pilihan pribadi kepada orang lain meskipun untuk tujuan yang baik bukanlah hal yang bijak karena 'We won't be able to be objective to judge the situation we've never been in'

Salam

The Place I call HOME p.2 : When what you want isn't what you need


Being away from home, could actually change the perspective you have of yourself... Some people call it self-deprived, some cheered for its serendipity..




Never have I thought I would be moving away from home given the fact I was willing to build my own business due to an endlessly exhausting job as a teacher and a trainer. Long before I met my husband, I foreseen myself having an avant-garde restaurant which most of the menu I made from my creativity, don't get me wrong I was only a dreamer that time that I had no idea how to make it true, I just tryna listen to my inner voice, that I don't fit an office environment and I can't stand some personalities who intentionally stab me to my deepest bone and left such big scar and trauma.

I am no sensible person, yet I am sensitive, but being away from my comfort zone truly give a hit. I was challenged to be less sensitive, then less sensible, then lil bit ignorant, It's not for 'looking cool' kinda reason instead for giving a peace to self coz since I moved to Italy, rejections and heartaches aren't  particular to me. I dare myself to be more self-centered as my life's goal now is making my son's condition improved, heck others who never showed up in my difficult times

Sometimes, I sit at the park facing my boy playing and mumbling and all of sudden I start to cry. How I miss being in my hometown but I know it isn't what I need now, I just can't help this feeling of wanting to be there.

My husband constantly reminding me that we are so lucky to be here, the fact that I don't have family and friends that I could ask a simple favor won't really matter for him. He said "finally you've got to learn to be independent, no more whining no more clinging to others to hold your feet. Pull yourself together, he added. Now, it's only you, me and Dario, else won't matter.

Two Culture Collide
Long before getting married, my husband and I have settled the goal that we're going to raise Dario in Indonesia as he needs to learn about Islam, to become a good Muslim, something that my husband misses from himself coz he is a muallaf.. but the destiny prevailed itself right in front our face that Dario has to be raised in Italy, a country which Islam is a minority and where having a muslim identity can cost you a life.
Here we are, trying to fix his heart and set aside the education we once dreamt to have for him. I guess the saying got its right, "let something to happen, worrying will not change the past nor the future, it'll only burden the present"

At the end what really matter is that you can hold tight your beloved ones, the world around will keep persistently pushing you to the limit and force you to admit 'I wanna freaking be there!" but here goes the inner voice " hold on dear, what you need now is here and you won't always get what you want to.."