The Place I call HOME p.2 : When what you want isn't what you need

Being away from home could actually change the perspective you have of yourself... Some people call it self-deprived, some cheered for its serendipity.

Never have I thought I would be moving away from home given the fact I was willing to build my own business due to an endlessly exhausting job as a teacher and a trainer. Long before I met my husband, I foresaw myself having an avant-garde restaurant which most of the menu I made from my creativity, don't get me wrong I was only a dreamer that time that I had no idea how to make it true, I just tryna listen to my inner voice, that I don't fit an office environment and I can't stand some personalities who intentionally stab me to my deepest bone and left such big scar and trauma.

I am no sensible person, yet I am sensitive, but being away from my comfort zone truly give a hit. I was challenged to be less sensitive, then less sensible, then lil' bit ignorant, It's not for 'looking cool' kinda reason instead for giving a peace to self because since I moved to Italy, rejections and heartaches aren't particular to me. I dare myself to be more self-centered as my life's goal now is making my son's condition improved, heck others who never showed up in my difficult times

Sometimes, I sit at the park facing my boy playing and mumbling and all of sudden I start to cry. How I miss being in my hometown but I know it isn't what I need now, I just can't help this feeling of wanting to be there.

My husband constantly reminds me that we are so lucky to be here, the fact that I don't have family and friends that I could ask a simple favor won't really matter for him. He said "finally you've got to learn to be independent, no more whining no more clinging to others to hold your feet. Pull yourself together, he added. Now, it's only you, me and Dario, else won't matter.

Two Culture Collide

Long before getting married, my husband and I have settled the goal that we're going to raise Dario in Indonesia as he needs to learn about Islam, to become a good Muslim, something that my husband misses from himself coz he is a muallaf.. but the destiny prevailed itself right in front of our face that Dario has to be raised in Italy, a country which Islam is a minority and where having a Muslim identity can cost you a life.

Here we are, trying to fix his heart and set aside the education we once dreamt to have for him. I guess the saying got its right, "let something to happen, worrying will not change the past nor the future, it'll only burden the present"

At the end what really matter is that you can hold tight your beloved ones, the world around will keep persistently pushing you to the limit and force you to admit 'I wanna freaking be there!" but here goes the inner voice " hold on dear, what you need now is here and you won't always get what you want to.."